


Shamrock Shakes

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [6]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Modern AU, Multi, Texting, implied nonbinary!lafayette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 11:44:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6422560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>jmadzz: he's not as bad as you make him out to be </p><p>little lion: so you adMIT HE'S BAD </p><p>jmadzzz: I'm sure not even your significant others can be perfect all the time </p><p>little lion: OKAY FIRST OF ALL </p><p>little lion: THEY ARE </p><p>little lion: ITS WHY IM MARRYING THEM </p><p>little lion: SECOND OF ALL YOURE NOT ANSWERING MY QUESTION</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shamrock Shakes

**laf** : okay so cinderella

 **more like HUNKules** : okay

 **laf** : but with all of us

 **more like HUNKules** : and that would work how

 **laf** : I don't know

 **johnn** : AM I HEARING A CONGA LINE

 **laf** : NO

 **laf** : YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A CONGA LINE

 **johnn** : YOUD THINK THAT AFTER SHOOTING DOWN MY LAST DREAMS THAT YOU WOULD GO WITH THIS ONE

 **laf** : YOUR DREAMS ARE ALWAYS ABOUT A CONGA LINE IS WHY

 **laf** : ALSO JUST A QUESTION

 **laf** : IF WE WENT THROUGH WITH THIS CONGA LINE

 **laf** : WHAT MUSIC WOULD THIS BE SET TO AND HOW LONG WOULD IT BE

 **johnn** : the macarena set to half speed and however long that goes on for

 **laf** : THE MACARENA IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT DANCE WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

 **johnn** : YOU LOVE ME

 **laf** : YES BUT HOPEFULLY THAT DOESNT ANSWER MY QUESTION

\---

 **more like HUNKules** : okay so we're all going to my parents house for easter right

 **johnn** : ye

 **little lion** : yes

 **laf** : oui

 **more like HUNKules** : they want us to go up as soon as we can

 **little lion** : so if we went now

 **more like HUNKules** : theYd be ready

 **little lion** : I see

 **more like HUNKules** : we're not leaving now

 **little lion** : whY NOT

 **more like HUNKules** : WE HAVE A WHOLE WEEK

 **little lion** : NOW I KNOW HOW JOHN FEELS

 **johnn** : it's a cursed life 

 **little lion** : I

\---

 **laf** : JUST WALKED IN ON JMADS AND TJEFFS MAKING OUT IN TJEFFS OFFICE

 **johnn** : N O

 **johnn** : WELL THAT BRINGS DOWN MY INSULT FROM tHE fIGHT NOW THAT ITS HAPPENING

 **laf** : I NEED TO BAPTIZE MY EYES

 **little lion** : YOU SHOULDVE GOTTEN PICTURES

 **johnn** : WHY WOULD YOU WANT THEM

 **little lion** : TO LAUGH AT AND EMAIL TO THE WHOLE OFFICE

 **johnn** : that manages to be more pure than what I was thinking

 **little lion** : we all know what you were thinking

 **johnn** : ;^)))))))

 **little lion** : did I fuckign ask

\---  
**little lion** : g wash is probably so done with everybody fucking everybody in this office like honestly

 **laf** : oh he is

 **laf** : martha is sending me the text messages

 **laf** : "I swear to god martha it's them" "they're so in love that it just spreads to everyone else and then my whole office is dating each other and I am suffering daily"

 **little lion:** this is the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life

 **laf** : "jefferson came into my office today martha and I asked him if he was dating madison and he SAID NO" "HE SAID NO TO MY FACE MARTHA"

 **johnn** : I think g wash talking to martha is my favorite g wash

 **more like HUNKules** : I think it's everyones favorite g wash

 **laf** : "IF THOMAS COMES OVER THE HOUSE AND ASKS ME TO WALK HIM DOWN THE AISLE AT HIS WEDDING IM SELLING THE COMPANY" IM WHEEZING

 **little lion** : I caN HEAR YOU FROM MY OFFICE

 **laf** : MY STO MA HC H UR TS

 **johnn** : do we need to check on you

 **laf** : PL E A SE

\---

  
**little lion** : SO I HEARD ABOUT YOU AND JEFFERSON

 **jmadzzz** : why are you texting me alex

 **little lion** : BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL NOT AS TOTALLY GROSS AS JEFFS

 **little lion** : AND TEXTING YOU DOES NOT MAKE ME WANT TO VOMIT

 **little lion** : I HAVE TO ASK YOU ABOUT HOW YOU PLAN TO DEAL WITH HIM

 **jmadzzz** : he's not as bad as you make him out to be

 **little lion** : so you adMIT HE'S BAD

 **jmadzzz** : I'm sure not even your significant others can be perfect all the time

 **little lion** : OKAY FIRST OF ALL

 **little lion** : THEY ARE

 **little lion** : ITS WHY IM MARRYING THEM

 **little lion** : SECOND OF ALL YOURE NOT ANSWERING MY QUESTION

 **jmadzzz** : goodbye alex

\---

 **little lion** : JMADS JUST ROASTED JEFFERSON

 **johnn** : I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THEYRE STILL DATING AND ITS ONLY BEEN A WEEK

 **little lion** : ARE YOU KIDDING

 **johnn** : WHAT

 **little lion** : JMADS WAS LITERALLY  
D E V O U R I N G TJEFFS WITH HIS ENTIRE SPIRITUAL BEING AS HE WAS ROASTING HIM

 **little lion** : IT WAS LITERALLY DISGUSTING HOW DID YOU NOT SEE IT

 **more like HUNKules** : WHAT HAPPENED

 **johnn** : WELL ALEX WAS ABOUT TO STAND UP ON A DESK TO PROVE HIS POINT AS PER USUAL

 **little lion** : BEING TALLER IS A GOOD INTIMIDATION METHOD

 **little lion** : I DONT HAVE THE OPTION TO GROW ANYMORE

 **johnn** : ANYWAY SO BASICALLY I WAS TRYING TO GET ALEX DOWN  
  
**little lion** : AND TJEFFS WAS LIKE "YOU CAN TRY AND STAND AS TALL AS YOU WANT BUT YOULL NEVER BE ANYTHING BUT MINISCULE IN THIS WORLD" AND GOT UP ON THE TABLE NEXT TO MINE

 **little lion** : AND JMADS WAS LIKE "yeah you're not that far from miniscule" AND THEN LOOKS HIM UP AND DOWN AND FOCUSING ON HIS CROTCH AREA

 **more like HUNKules** : N O

  
**little lion** : BUT LIKE JEFFS WASNT EMBARRASSED???

 **laf** : HIS FUCKING BREATH CAUGHT IN HIS THROAT AND HE HAD TO GET DOWN FROM THE TABLE

 **more like HUNKules** : N

 **more like HUNKules** : O

 **johnn** :THATS WHAT THAT WAS

 **little lion** : WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WAS

 **johnn** : I DONT KNOW I KIND OF JUST ASSUMED THAT THOMAS JEFFERSON DIDNT HAVE A DEGREDATION KINK IM SORRY

 **laf** : judging by the way he finds pleasure in the having his ego attended to it does come as a shock

 **little lion** : the amount of euphemisms in that message are actual siN

 **laf** : don't hate, appreciate

\---

 **little lion** : the golden girls is a great show why does it only come on at eleven at night

 **johnn** : true

 **little lion** : most of them are dead now too that's so sad

 **johnn** : come back to bed

 **little lion** : yeah okay

\---

 **johnn** : TODAY IS THE LAST DAY FOR SHAMROCK SHAKES

 **laf** : NO

 **johnn** : WE'RE GOING ON OUR LUNCH BREAK

 **johnn** : WERE PICKING YOU UP ON THE WAY @HERCULES

 **more like HUNKules** : it's nice to be included

 **laf** : dear

 **more like HUNKules** : how many do you think we can get before they cut us off

 **laf** : nO NO NO

 **laf** : WE ARE GETTING ONE EACH

 **laf** : MAYBE A FEW MORE ON OUR WAY HOME BUT WE WE CANT REPEAT LAST YEAR

 **laf** : LAST YEAR WE ALL GOT FOUR AND WE HAD TO TAKE OFF WORK BECAUSE WE WERE THROWING UP SO MUCH

 **laf** : THE BATHROOM IS STILL SUFFERING FROM THE GHOST FROM SHAMROCKS PAST @THE GREEN STAIN THATS STILL ON THE BATHTUB THAT WE CANT SCRUB OUT

 **johnn** : we leAVE IN TEN MINUTES

\---  
  
**laf** : I hate this why did I agree to this

 **more like HUNKules** : we offered to order you your shakes and pick you up after we got them

 **laf** : YES BUT THAT WOULD LOOK SUSPICIOUS AND NOT TO MENTION I WOULD FEEL WEIRD

 **laf** : oh my god did she just hesitate to ask "four shamrock shakes?"

 **little lion** : OF COURSE SHE DID WE'RE LITERALLY BEING DEAD SILENT AND LETTING JOHN  
STUTTER AND SUFFER

 **johnn** : I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH

 **little lion** : how romantic

 **johnn** : YOURE SO LUCKY THAT DRIVE THRU WAIT TIMES ARENT LONG OR ELSE ID BE SENDING YOU PARAGRAPHS I SWEAR

 **little lion** : I feel bad now

 **laf** : we'll make it up to him somehow

 **little lion** : in the meantime

 **little lion** : SHAKES

\---

 **little lion** : what if we like never got together

 **little lion** : what if we never even met

 **laf** : that'd be awful

 **johnn** : I'd probably still be acting het to prove to my father and myself that I am

 **more like HUNKules** : I'd be a completely different person

 **more like HUNKules** : I'd probably be married with children by now

 **little lion** : oh my g od

 **little lion** : I would be dead

 **little lion** : I would have literally worked myself to death by now

 **laf** : at least you admit that you work too hard

 **little lion** : which is the last thing I would have done having never have met any of you

 **laf** : progress

\---

 **little lion** : george washington is going to burn this whole fucking building to the god damned ground

 **laf** : wHY

 **little lion** : theodosia bartow and aaron burr are dating/fucking

 **little lion** : and now the whole office knows

 **johnn** : didn't her and her fiancée JUST call off the wedding

 **little lion** : and why would you think they'd do that

 **johnn** : oH MY GOD

 **more like HUNKules** : how do people get into messes like this

 **little lion** : IM TEXTING HIM ABOUT THIS

 **laf** : ALEX NO

 **johnn** : AL E X

 **more like HUNKules** : DONT

\---

 **little lion** : AARON BURR SIR

 **aaron colder than ice** : alexander please

 **little lion** : so I heard about your girlfriend/fwb/???

 **aaron colder than ice** : girlfriend

 **little lion** : so what went down when you and her /went down/

 **aaron colder than ice** : goodbye alexander

 **little lion** : wHY IS THAT THE SECOND TIME A CONVERSATION HAS ENDED THIS WEEK

 **aaron colder than ice** : because you're incessant in everything and have no self control

 **little lion** : no that can't be it

\---

 **little lion** : well aaron didn't give me any information on him and miss bartow

 **laf** : miss bartow???

 **laf** : like as in

 **laf** : Mr. John Church

 **little lion** : okay yes but she's scary and and I DONT need to be killed by her

 **little lion** : do you think that burr tells her about me

 **laf** : if he does and you think she's going to kill you

 **laf** : you're extra dead now

 **little lion** : fuck

**Author's Note:**

> this is super not good


End file.
